Doldrums Buster #2: Baking

We are fast approaching one of our major, most work-intensive holidays: Pesach, or as known to non-Jews, Passover.  It is a time of remembrance, a time of celebration, a time of cooking!  During the seven days of Pesach, our entire diet changes because we must divest ourselves of all leaven,  or chumetz as we say in Hebrew.  This is not an easy task.  You would be amazed at all the products that have leaven, and every bit of it has to go!  In the weeks leading up to Pesach, we are meticulous about cleaning all the leaven out of our homes, and out of our lives.  When that is done, we then prepare creative and oftentimes fantastic meals sans leaven to get us through the holiday.  I am no different.  I cannot emphasize enough that this is a busy time for those of us who observe Pesach.  I take this opportunity to share with you a blog written weeks ago and never published, about a baking experience (baking, the second doldrums buster on a list of 26, as listed in a recent blog.) The following was the last time I baked “challah” before starting to clean for Pesach.

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I do not consider myself a great cook.  That does not mean that I cannot cook a good meal, but rather that cooking is not my passion, even though I read cookbooks like some folks read novels.  As much as I enjoy reading recipes, however, I never longed or worked to become a proficient cook.  Ask my kids.  At best, I can cook a decent meal once or twice a week.  But those times I cook enough to feast on for two meals, then keep us in leftovers for days.  I cook “dishes” well, meals adequately.   This fact does not bother me in the least.  I know my strengths and am content to say that cooking does not go in the “strengths” column.  I have not always been so self-confident.  In my world, women strive to be “balabustas,” to outdo each other in the “matronly” arts of housekeeping and cooking.  Not me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I actually admire and have a great deal of respect for those women who seem to manage a household and the myriad chores with aplomb, not to mention organizational skills that a CEO would envy.  In past times, I felt bad that I was not one of those women.  In recent years, however, I have allowed myself to be myself.  My talents, skills, knowledge, passions, etc. ad nausea lie elsewhere.  Having said all of this, I hasten to add that I am a good baker.  On occasion, baking gives me great pleasure.  I can concentrate on making one dish well rather than trying to coordinate a full meal.  To me, even though I am not particularly fond of the kitchen, baking is a relaxing activity.  As wonderful aromas fill the kitchen, I mellow out.  It is no wonder that for me, baking is a great doldrums buster.

Last week, in preparation for the Sabbath, I decided to bake challah, bread that has come to be associated with the Sabbath and Jewish holidays and celebrations.  Actually, the challah is a piece of dough that by Jewish law is set aside for the Kohanim in the temple.  (Kohains are the temple priests, full time; can’t earn a living elsewhere while serving in the temple.  They and their families have to eat, so we the people have all sorts of laws about what portions of our various foods have to go to the temple to feed the priestly families.)  However, since there is no temple at the moment (may that soon change), and in order not to forget our obligations, we still take a small piece of dough to be burnt so that no one else will eat it.  In that way, when the temple is rebuilt and the Kohainim return to their priestly duties, we will not forget to give our portion for their sustenance.  Therefore, if one is being technically correct, challah is that piece of dough which is separated, burned and tossed aside.   Customarily, however, we call the loaves of bread “challah” indicating that challah has been taken.  Technicalities!

As I was saying, I decided to bake challah.  Additionally, I wanted to be creative since we had overnight guests coming for the weekend, as well as additional guests for the meals.  So, I turned to the Parsha reading for ideas.  (Parsha is the portion of Torah that we read, study and learn each week.  It is read in its entirety every Sabbath.)  The week’s Parsha was about Moses going to Mt. Sinai to receive the luchos/tablets.  When he came back to the people (40 days later) and saw them dancing around the golden calf, an idol they had made in his absence, Moses angrily threw down the luchos, smashing them to bits.

Ahhh, luchos!  I then and there had a “light bulb” moment, and decided that I would shape the challah into luchos.  Since our weekend guest was Sephardi Jew (origins in the Mediterranean area), I would bake challah associated with that area.  It is a wonderful bread, using pumpkin to help the bread stay moist,  and spiced with cardemon and ginger, spices native to our guests “neck of the woods.”  Full of flavor and a beautiful color, thanks to the pumpkin, this bread is a favorite in our household.  Additionally, I could easily make enough to last us till Passover.  I lovingly prepared the dough, knowing that I was going to shape it into loaves that resembled artists’ renderings of the tablets that Moses brought down from Mt. Sinai.

Luchos shaped challot

After the challah was shaped, I painstakingly  formed the Hebrew letters on top to give the bread more of an appearance of the tablets.  I thought about the parsha and what those tablets mean to us, the Jewish people.  I am not usually that creative week to week, but this week was different.  We are approaching Pesach, one or our most treasured, as well as work-intensive holidays.  Preparing the challah reminded me of how we were formed as a people.  Once the challah had risen, was brushed with an egg mixture to enhance it‘s color during baking as well as “glue“ the letters in position, I placed the loaves in the oven to bake and let the aroma waft through the house.  That aroma, by the way, lasts for hours.  When done, and I removed them from the oven,  I couldn’t help but be pleased with the product of all the loving care and attention I had put into making this week’s challah.  After the loaves had completely cooled down, I wrapped them to keep them from drying out, placed some loaves in the freezer for future use, and set the others aside for our Sabbath meals.  The sense of accomplishment was enormous.  Contentment and satisfaction of a job well-done was reward for my labors.  Once completed, I was free to do some house cleaning in preparation for our guests.  Doldrums busted big time!

That night, Thursday night, I fell into bed exhausted.  However, it was a good exhaustions that comes from having worked hard and having something of substance to show for my labors.  This was truly going to be a wonderful Sabbath.  When my head hit the pillow, I was gone.  No waiting for sleep on this night!

Around 3am I sat up with a start.  The challah!  I had made one major error this week in my efforts to be creative for Shabbos!!!!  The letters!  Jewish law, known in Hebrew as “halachah,” forbids us from breaking, destroying or otherwise changing letters and words on the sabbath.  How were we going to slice the challah for our meals?  We could not, would not, break apart the letters on Shabbos.

Friday morning, during the hubbub of activity both preparing for the Sabbath and getting ready for guests, my husband and I were brainstorming how to cut the challah that evening and the next day.  As it turned out, Richard had no problems cutting between the letters.  And no one who ate at our Shabbos table complained of the extremely thick slices of challah they each received.  And, fortunately, the letters so lovingly made of dough and placed with care on each challah loaf, were easily removed without harm.  All the fretting was for naught, and I learned a lesson.  No more luchos shaped challah with Hebrew letters for us, at least not for Shabbos!

Doldrums busted!  The activity of baking the bread, followed by the angst and excitement of how to cut the challah, coupled with the joy of sharing our home with special guests chased those doldrums away.

What if…?

As of late I have struggled with my latest label: unemployed.  It is not a label that I particularly like.  In fact, this period of unemployment is probably the longest of my life.  The truth of the matter is that I enjoy working.  Retirement was never my life‘s goal, never viewed as reward for a life well-lived.  Now, having lived the life of a retiree for over a year, albeit not of my choosing, I’d rather be working.  Mom didn’t retire until she was 80, and Dad still works part-time.  Work is in my blood.  So, this period in my life has been quite a challenge.  I’m in limbo.  Past jobs are no longer viable, and probably will never be available to me again; a hard pill for me to swallow.  While certainly not the first time I’ve been in the position of “recreating” my life, it is still a daunting prospect, especially at my age.  The what ifs have definitely set in!

What if I never have another job in my life as long as I live?  Horrors!  Truthfully, this thinking is a self-indulgent act of self-pity, and I know it.  It’s just that some days I fear that I am in a permanently unemployable zone.  When I reach that point, I indulge myself in a pity party for a while.  So far, I can honestly say that entertaining this particular what if  is totally useless, not to mention an extremely wasteful expenditure of the valuable gift of time.  Fortunately, I don’t stay in this frame of mind for very long. 

What if future employment is, at best, sporadic, minimum wage, mindless, boring, dead-end  tasks with little redeeming value?  This what if  is a bit more difficult to subdue.  The work world has drastically changed in the past few years, and getting hired is not so easy.  I really feel my age on this one.  I am no longer that perky, vibrant, energetic, quick-thinking young woman who got whatever she wanted.  Even though I have gained a lifetime of experience and wisdom with the jobs, travels, joys and vicissitudes of life, in this fast paced world it is simply more difficult to get hired when one is past the vim and vigor of youth.   Oy vey….  What’s a woman to do?

What if  I grow old, lonely, poor, living by myself and forgotten by the world?  Ahhh, this is the one what if  that has haunted me my entire adult life!  My biggest what if of all!  In considering my deepest fears, this what if ranks at the top.  To be honest, I am pretty sure that this what if  has held me back from more adventure, risk-taking, dreaming and visioning than any one thing in my life.  Wow!  This is a pretty powerful what if!  So, what if I de-mythologize this what if? What would that look like?

First, I know that in order for me to continue in life I will grow old.  That fact is undeniable.  The alternative is simply not an option.  So, what’s so bad about growing old?  Yes, there are aches and pains that I didn’t use to have.  The hair begins to thin and to lose its luster and bounce.  The mid-section thickens and one moves at a slower pace.  But that is not all there is to an aged life!  Some of my favorite people in all the world are old people.  Old people know a lot.  Most of the ones I know also happen to be relatively happy.  Even as a child, my best friends were peers of my grandparents.  I’m not exaggerating. 

Miss Mary was a woman I befriended when I was five years old.  We had just moved to Marion, Louisiana, and the church held a pot-luck dinner to welcome us to the community.  During the course of the evening, as I held on to Mom’s skirts, I was introduced to Miss Mary Hopkins.   In my eyes she was very old, and the moments of introduction were the obligatory moments all children endure with dread.  Miss Mary asked me questions about myself.  I was too shy to talk to this “old” woman, so I nodded my head “yes” or shook it “no” in response to her queries.  After one or two questions, Miss Mary placed her hand on my head as she spoke, and although I thought this was rather odd, I continued to nod or shake the appropriate responses.  After what I felt was an unbearable amount of time, I asked to be excused to go play with other children.  Later that night, Mom sat down with me and explained that Miss Mary was blind.  Since I refused to speak, she could neither hear nor see my responses to her questions and that is why she placed her hand on my head…to feel my answers.  I remember feeling pretty awful at that point.  The following Sunday when we arrived at church, still feeling remorseful for not having spoken aloud to Miss Mary, I timidly walked up to the third pew from the front of the sanctuary and asked her if I could sit with her during the service.  Miss Mary was delightfully surprised, and thus began a life-long friendship.  From that time on, my place every Sunday morning was in the third pew sitting beside Miss Mary.  Additionally, many Sundays after the morning service concluded, Miss Mary  invited me to walk home with her and her companion, Miss Deedie, for a traditional Sunday lunch of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy.  Miss Mary would read to me from her braille books, and even attempted, albeit unsuccessfully, to teach me to read braille .  I would play piano for her, or she for me, and I even had a room of my own in her southern style plantation home where I could nap.  When my parents were out of town and I needed to stay with someone, Miss Mary was my top choice.  She was full of stories and personal history about growing up in Louisiana.  Miss Mary never married or had children, but she did complete college and taught school before totally losing her eyesight.  However, never having been known to express bitterness, she was a beloved figure in the community.  There are many wonderful memories with Miss Mary.  I even named my youngest daughter after her.  When I am old, I hope that I can influence some young person as Miss Mary influenced me.  There are other old people who influenced my life, too. The more I think of it, old age is a special time, a time to truly reap the harvest of what was sewn during one’s lifetime.  As I reminisce, the “what if I grow old”  fear has more to do with illusions than with realities.  In reality, growing old can be enjoyable and rich if I choose to make it so.

The next part of that what if  is the part about being lonely.  Objectively speaking, I know that loneliness is a choice.  A wise woman once taught me that the feeling of loneliness is truly a gift in disguise; feeling lonely is actually a nudge to reach out to others, to think beyond ourselves, to connect with another soul, or, should we choose to ignore the nudge, to forever suffer.  When feeling lonely, it is time to call a friend, visit a neighbor, volunteer at the hospital, sew for a charity, join a book club, cook a meal for a shut-in or a new mom, etc.  All these years I have associated being old with being lonely.  Thinking more critically, I realize that this dreaded fear is nothing more than a myth of my own creation, and that the solution to loneliness is easily within my grasp. Old and lonely do not equate, nor is either to be feared.

What about the old, lonely AND poor?  Well, I’ve been poor a lot and that is one thing I know how to do….and do with grace!  So really there is not much to fear.  Besides, how does one define “poor?”  I am rich when it comes to love of family and friends.  My basic needs for food, shelter and clothing have always been abundantly met.  Too much emphasis has been placed on the dollar  amount or material possessions and not enough on the richness of spirit, mind, body and soul.  In those areas, I am truly a wealthy woman!  Now I’ve done it.  I’ve banished the fearsome what ifs  in a few short paragraphs, but there’s more.

For instance, what if I truly trusted my instincts, and did something daring, something off the beaten path, out of the box, really really cool and wonderful?  What if  I had no doubts, only the belief that G-d truly does have a plan and that I am smack dab where I need to be at the moment?  What if I was fearless in pursuit of my dreams?  What would life look like then?  These what ifs are the what ifs that have propelled inventors and theologians, dreamers and artists, builders and teachers,  movers and shakers to change those things that needed to be changed, to inspire those who needed hope, to repair what was broken, to be co-creators with G-d in forging new paths in whatever their field of endeavor.  These are the what ifs that excite me as I contemplate the direction I will take going forward.  I don’t yet know what that will look like.  I’m still refining the defining of my dreams.  The details are not in place, but they are being molded as I write!  Being unemployed has opened a door for me, and I’m discovering that the world, even at my age, is full of possibility!
 
My questions to you:  What are your what ifs?  What is your most daunting fear?  How can you de-mythologize that fear?  When that fear is shelved in its rightful place, what dreams do you dream?  What would it look like to follow your passion?  What is it that holds you back, boxes you in, or restrains you from moving forward with enthusiasm and passion?  Who inspires you?  Who believes in you?  Is it time to change your what if questions?  How have the what ifs affected your life and motivated your decisions?  Feel free to comment.  I’d love to hear from you.

Doldrums Buster #20: Photography

Having listed a few doldrums busters in my last post, I decided to try out some of my own suggestions, beginning with photography (number 20 on the list.)  In all fairness, I must admit that photography is one of my all time favorite hobbies, so it was no stretch for me to get my camera and venture out to see what I could photograph.  A nearby garden was my destination.  Snow still covers much of the ground, although its pristine beauty is long gone.  I wasn’t so interested in getting more snow pictures, anyway–I have more than enough of those for the moment.  However, Brookside Garden has a wonderful greenhouse and I thought I might find something there that would really bust these doldrums.  I was not disappointed.  When I entered the greenhouse, the profusion of vibrant colors was magnificent!  My spirit immediately soared as I started “shooting” away.  Following are the results of yesterday’s outing.  Enjoy.  Then get your camera and go out and see what you can photograph to banish your winter doldrums!  (p.s.  I’m always on the lookout for more doldrums busters.  If you have ideas that I’ve not listed, leave them in the comment section.  I will happily add them to the list.)